Epsilon Mu

Week 3

Written by AI and published without review, so it may contain errors. The scores and records are computed from league data; the judgements are not facts.

The Cold Seats are 6-0 and pulling away, the league split cleanly into a top five and a bottom five, and three of the four highest scores in the league this week came from teams that had already lost a game. The week's two blowouts were 84.00 and 66.96 points.

The week at a glance

The week 3 median was 133.71, back up from 127.07. Every team plays twice — its opponent and that median — and this week the two results agreed for nine of the ten teams. Only 1-800-FLOWERS split, winning its matchup by 42.18 while finishing 5.35 under the median.

2-0: The Cold Seats, Denton Daemons, The Real Slim Brady, austingulley. 1-1: BrendanPhillips (lost by 3.38, beat the median), 1-800-FLOWERS (won by 42.18, missed the median). 0-2: Shmurdarer's Row, HasBas, Tetucky Odunze, I Love Josh Allen.

Three numbers that defined the week:

• 84.00 — The Cold Seats over Tetucky Odunze, the largest margin of the season. The 162.84 was also the season's highest score.
• 42.34 — points austingulley left on an available bench, the week's worst. They won by 66.96 anyway.
• 156.10 — BrendanPhillips's losing score, the fourth-highest total in the league this week. Two teams scored less and went 2-0.

The field has split. Five teams sit at 3-3 or better, five at 2-4 or worse, and the gap between fifth and sixth is a single game. PF, PA and efficiency are cumulative through three weeks; optimal and left-on-bench are week 3 only. No byes yet; nine rosters had a player ruled out or doubtful, and those are excluded from the bench math.

Top half

Split by week 3 score, not by standings.

The Cold Seats — 162.84 (2-0)

The week. The season's highest score and its largest margin: 162.84, an 84.00-point win. Michael Wilson led with 25.9, Derrick Henry added 21.9, and seven of nine starters cleared 12. Stefon Diggs's 7.3 was the only quiet slot. Dallas Goedert and Chigoziem Okonkwo were both ruled out, which is why Travis Kelce started at tight end and why the 27.52 left on the bench is smaller than it looks — Sam Darnold's 29.66 sat behind Lamar Jackson and could never have been played.

The season. 6-0, 449.90 for, 287.78 against. The points-against figure is 57.64 better than any other team in the league. 85.5% efficient.

Outlook. Three weeks, six results, no losses, and still not one week where everything went right — the optimal was 190.36. The genuinely available miss was Jakobi Meyers (19.4) and Keenan Allen (18.3) against Diggs's 7.3. A team winning this comfortably while leaving two flex spots on the table is the scariest thing in the league.

Moves. None.

Denton Daemons — 159.48 (2-0)

The week. 159.48 and a 3.38-point win over BrendanPhillips in the week's closest game. Bijan Robinson went for 35.3 and Brock Purdy — starting at quarterback for the first time since the Hurts trade — put up 31.28. Kyren Williams added 21.8. Sam LaPorta's 7.4 was the low starter.

The season. 3-3, 427.56 for, 454.88 against. Week 3 efficiency of 91.9%, second-best in the league, with only 14.00 left on the bench.

Outlook. The trade worked immediately. Purdy outscored the departed Hurts by 17.66 this week, and the roster stopped carrying three quarterbacks. Denton is now third in points scored and still has the worst points-against in the league by 31 — at 3-3, the record has finally caught up to a team that was never playing as badly as 1-3 suggested.

Moves. None.

BrendanPhillips — 156.10 (1-1)

The week. 156.10 and a 3.38-point loss — the fourth-highest score in the league, beaten anyway. Jahmyr Gibbs went for 41.4, the week's top individual total, with Jaxon Smith-Njigba at 35.36 and Bo Nix at 25.14. Jayden Daniels was ruled out, so Nix starting is not a decision to second-guess. Hunter Henry's 1.5 at tight end was the drag.

The season. 3-3, 411.90 for, 408.62 against. Week 3 efficiency of 93.6% — the best in the league — with just 10.60 available on the bench.

Outlook. The best-managed week in the league and a loss to show for it. Three weeks in, this team has won the matchup and missed the median, won the median and lost the matchup, and now scored 156.10 in defeat. Gibbs and Smith-Njigba have combined for 59.80, 65.80 and 76.76 — the top-heaviness is real, but at this volume it hardly matters.

Moves. Won the Jaylen Wright auction at $20, dropping Chimere Dike. Also added Bryce Lance for Jawhar Jordan.

The Real Slim Brady — 150.82 (2-0)

The week. 150.82 and a 25.08-point win. Brock Bowers — ruled out in week 1, doubtful in week 2 — finally played and led the team with 27.6. Ja'Marr Chase added 24.8 and Kenneth Walker III 21.3. Jalen Hurts, in his first week after the trade, managed 13.62 and was outscored by Justin Herbert's 13.74 on the bench.

The season. 4-2, 427.36 for, 365.96 against, 89.5% efficient. From 0-2 to 4-2 in two weeks.

Outlook. Second in the league in both record and points scored, from the team that went 3-25 last season. Juwan Johnson's 23.3 on the bench behind Bowers was the one real miss — a flex spot was open. The quarterback trade has not paid off yet by the numbers, but it was never about one week.

Moves. Added Tyreek Hill for $11 — the receiver Shmurdarer's Row dropped in week 1 — and Mack Hollins for $11. Failed claims on Jaylen Wright at $1 and Kimani Vidal at $0.

austingulley — 139.06 (2-0)

The week. 139.06 and a 66.96-point win. George Kittle led with 26.2, Christian Watson added 22.6 and Christian McCaffrey 21.6. Jordan Whittington, added off free agency two days earlier, started and scored 0.0. Jayden Reed was ruled out and Puka Nacua doubtful, both excluded.

The season. 4-2, 422.44 for, 350.92 against. Week 3 efficiency of 76.7% with 42.34 left on an available bench — the worst mark of the week.

Outlook. Third in the league and climbing after the 0-2 open. The bench figure is the story: Kenyon Sadiq (23.5), Deebo Samuel (15.4) and Cooper Kupp (14.6) all outscored the Whittington start. Starting a just-added free agent over three established receivers is the week's most expensive single decision, even in a 66-point win.

Moves. Added Jordan Whittington, dropping DeAndre Hopkins.

Bottom half

1-800-FLOWERS — 128.36 (1-1)

The week. 128.36, a 42.18-point win, and a median miss of 5.35 — the only team all week whose two results disagreed. Drake London led with 28.4 and Harold Fannin, the tight end who scored 4.1 and 10.4 in the first two weeks, broke out for 24.1. Drake Maye's 5.76 was the worst starting quarterback score of the week.

The season. 3-3, 362.10 for, 345.42 against. Week 3 efficiency of 76.7% with 38.92 left on the bench — a sharp fall from last week's league-best 92.2%.

Outlook. Jordan Love's 19.48 against Maye's 5.76 was 13.72 points sitting in plain view, and Jordan Addison (20.0) and Luther Burden (19.8) were both available. The best running back room in the league produced 45.8 from four starters for the second week running — Jeanty, Swift and Hall are a combined 31.6. That is the real problem, and it is not a lineup problem.

Moves. None.

Shmurdarer's Row — 125.74 (0-2)

The week. 125.74 and a 25.08-point loss. Garrett Wilson led with 26.7 and Jeremiyah Love added 21.9. The tight end slots were the wound again: Kyle Pitts started for 1.5 and Oronde Gadsden for 0.0, while Mike Gesicki (12.7), Michael Mayer (12.2) and Darren Waller (10.1) all sat.

The season. 2-4, 387.96 for, 402.50 against. Week 3 efficiency of 74.9%, with 42.24 left on an available bench. Across three weeks: 15.28, 37.52, 42.24.

Outlook. Sixth in points scored, eighth in record. Joe Burrow (22.58) and Jared Goff (19.36) both outscored Dak Prescott's 18.94 from the bench, but only one quarterback can start. The tight end room now holds five names and the two that started scored 1.5 between them — a roster with this much depth should not keep finding the bottom of it.

Moves. Dropped Michael Mayer — the $55 claim from week 1 — for Tyler Higbee at $0. Also dropped Darnell Mooney, and lost a $15 claim on Jaylen Wright.

HasBas — 86.18 (0-2)

The week. 86.18 and a 42.18-point loss. Trevor Lawrence's 20.78 was the only starter in double figures above 13.0. Justin Jefferson managed 5.2, De'Von Achane 1.7, and Jonathan Taylor 9.2 after 29.2 a week earlier. Caleb Douglas was ruled out and excluded.

The season. 2-4, 344.34 for, 407.88 against. Week 3 efficiency of 73.0%, the worst in the league, with 31.80 left on the bench. Three weeks of efficiency: 82.9%, 74.7%, 73.0%.

Outlook. The optimal was 117.98 — even a perfect lineup loses this one, which is new. Through two weeks this was a team wasting a big ceiling; in week 3 the ceiling itself collapsed. Ollie Gordon II (14.5) and Tyler Warren (14.7) were both available and both would have started over what played. The trend in that efficiency column is the thing to watch.

Moves. None.

Tetucky Odunze — 78.84 (0-2)

The week. 78.84 and an 84.00-point loss, the largest defeat of the season. Patrick Mahomes led the team with 16.94. No starter reached 17. David Montgomery fell to 6.8, Tetairoa McMillan to 3.7, and Nico Collins was ruled out after scoring 0.0 the week before.

The season. 2-4, 340.32 for, 419.14 against. Week 3 efficiency of 83.8%, with 15.20 available — the second-cleanest lineup in the bottom half.

Outlook. The optimal was 94.04. This was not a management failure: the roster scored 78.84 and could have scored 94.04, and either number loses by fifty. Bryce Young (14.64) and Cam Ward (10.44) are quarterbacks stacked behind Mahomes and cannot be played. After the week 1 bench disaster of 42.26, the lineups have tightened considerably — 42.26, then 22.60, now 15.20 — and the results have gone the other way.

Moves. None.

I Love Josh Allen — 72.10 (0-2)

The week. 72.10, the lowest score of the season, and a 66.96-point loss. Matthew Golden's 21.0 was the high mark. Caleb Williams was ruled out, so Malik Willis started and scored 11.0. Adonai Mitchell started and scored 0.0. Dalton Kincaid fell from 22.5 to 3.8.

The season. 1-5, 292.28 for, 423.06 against — the fewest points scored in the league, and a deficit of 130.78, the largest by some distance. 77.1% efficient.

Outlook. The optimal lineup was 93.50, which would still have been the week's second-lowest score. Two weeks running, this roster's perfect lineup has fallen short of the median. The quarterback room is Willis and Daniel Jones with Williams hurt; the receiver room is Golden, Harris and Harrison. These are the assets a rebuild accumulates, and none of them are finished players yet. The record is the cost of that plan, not evidence against it.

Moves. None.

The transaction wire

No trades this week.

The Wright auction. Jaylen Wright drew three claims in under eleven hours. Shmurdarer's Row opened at $15 and lost. The Real Slim Brady bid $1 and lost. BrendanPhillips took him at $20 — the highest in-season bid of the year so far, and the second week running they have won the contested name.

The $55 tight end. Shmurdarer's Row dropped Michael Mayer to claim Tyler Higbee for $0. Mayer cost $55 in week 1, the largest bid of the season, and leaves having never started a game, with a best week of 12.2 from the bench. Higbee joins Pitts, Gadsden, Waller and Gesicki — five tight ends on one roster, and the two who started this week scored 1.5 between them.

The Real Slim Brady's wire week. Four claims in three days, two of them successful at $11 each. One was Tyreek Hill, dropped by Shmurdarer's Row on September 9 and unowned for twenty days. He scored 0.0 on the bench.

One to watch. The Real Slim Brady bid $1 on Jaylen Wright hours after Shmurdarer's Row had bid $15 on him. Two weeks ago the same roster lost Chigoziem Okonkwo on a $6 bid that arrived too late. The pattern is bidding low and late on names other teams are already chasing.

Looking ahead

Three weeks in, the field has separated into five and five with one game between them. Grouped by what they need:

Need nothing. The Cold Seats, 6-0 with the best score, the best points-against and no week yet where everything clicked. The only unbeaten team and the only one with no obvious flaw.

Need the record to stop lying. Denton Daemons and BrendanPhillips, both 3-3. Denton is third in points scored with the worst points-against in the league; BrendanPhillips is fifth in scoring and lost this week with the fourth-best total. Both are managing their lineups better than anyone — 91.9% and 93.6% — and both are .500.

Need to use the bench. austingulley, 1-800-FLOWERS, Shmurdarer's Row. All three left 38 or more points on available benches this week, 123.50 between them. All three have optimal lineups above 167. These are the three teams whose records could move most on lineup decisions alone.

Need the ceiling to come back. HasBas. The optimal was 117.98, the first time this roster could not have reached the median with a perfect lineup. Efficiency has fallen three weeks running. Whichever of those two problems is the real one, it is now urgent.

Need time. Tetucky Odunze and I Love Josh Allen. Both had clean-ish lineups and still lost by fifty or more. Tetucky's optimal was 94.04, I Love Josh Allen's 93.50. Neither can be fixed on the wire.

Deadline picture

The deadline is week 11, eight weeks out. Buyers: The Cold Seats, The Real Slim Brady and austingulley — all 4-2 or better, all with reason to press. BrendanPhillips belongs here too on points if not on record. Sellers: I Love Josh Allen at 1-5, and Tetucky Odunze at 2-4 with the league's second-lowest score. Undecided: Denton Daemons, 1-800-FLOWERS, Shmurdarer's Row, HasBas.

One roster to flag: Denton Daemons. At 3-3 with 427.56 points — within 23 of the league leader — and 454.88 against, they have the largest gap between how they have played and what they have to show for it. They are also the only team this season to trade a starting quarterback and immediately get better. If they read themselves as sellers in two weeks, that will be the league's biggest misreading.

Published 2026-10-13. The figures here are as they stood that day; the live pages recompute independently. All recaps